The Pump Jockey

Hillary was in Cresskill, NJ last night to raise more money. Note lack of cleavage.

The coiner of the Internet as a “a series of tubes” is getting a “series of search warrents”.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The FBI and IRS have searched the home of Republican Sen. Ted Stevens in a ski resort in Alaska as part of an investigation into his links with an oil-services company, officials said on Monday.

Stevens is the longest serving Republican ever — in the Senate. Serving time won’t count.

The Beeb reports:

The humble office printer can damage lungs in much the same way as smoke particles from cigarettes, according to a team of Australian scientists.

An investigation of a range of models showed that almost a third emit potentially dangerous levels of toner into the air.

Save yourselves before it’s too late!

I feel just so… media-driven these days. I usually pride myself on staying off the beaten track when it comes to books and film but here I am reading the final Harry P0tter book and mulling over the metaphysical conundrums of David Milch’s new effort, John From Cincinnatti. Meanwhile the Spouse is immersed in Mad Men.

I admit I came to JfC reluctantly, blaming it for the demise of Deadwood. Reactions to it seem to be either “whathefuh??” or rapture, with little in between. I am enjoying it for the first rate ensemble cast (which seems to mirror Deadwood in an odd alternate Universe sort of way) and the excellent writing. The fact that it is unabashedly supernatural in some ways doesn’t bother me as much as such stuff normally does, probably because it doesn’t seem to faze anyone in the storyline.

The cast that isn’t from Deadwood represents an interesting recycling effort: Ed O’Neill, for example, would seem to have been forever typecast as Al Bundy, but his work here is heart-breaking as a retired cop slowly going insane from grief over the death of his wife. Likewise who would have thought to cast Luke Perry in a straight dramatic role?

I would suggest that anyone interested in digesting the off-beat milieux go and look for any book by series co-creator Kem Nunn. His novel Tiajuana Straits actually takes place partly in Imperial Beach, home of JfC. And that’s the late Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros doing the intro theme music. I bought that album years ago and never thought to hear it again.

…on Diet Coke Plus, the version with vitamins and minerals added.

And that verdict is: thumbs down.

The household diet soda expert describes it as “flatter and more bland” than regular Diet Coke.

AP — Former celebrity Lindsey Lohan was cornered by police and died in a hail of gunfire as she and three fellow gang members tried to shoot their way out of a motel in Casper, Wyoming to a waiting get-away vehicle.

Lohan, wanted in 6 western states for bank robbery, gun running and driving with blood alcohol over the legal limit, had led authorities on a massive manhunt that lasted 4 months.

As of this morning, investigators were going over the burnt and bullet-shattered Mercedes SL-65 for evidence while pathologists tried to identify the charred corpses of her companions. Tentative identifications were Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie and either Ashley or Mary-Kate Olsen, all of the Los Angeles area.

A Sheriff’s deputy told reporters, “It must have been a heck of a car fire. None of the corpses weighed over 90 lbs. They were burned to sticks.”

O.K… Baristaville is not Pavement Narrows, nor vice versa. We have our differences of opinion on politics, culture, life style. So imagine my surprise to find myself in agreement with Liz George on her mostly negative reviews of the Star Ledger Munchmobile pizza trip.

In fact, I rarely find myself agreeing with the choices of venue that the Munchmobile makes. As with so many other things, the Star Ledger gets them wrong all too often.

Bravo, Liz, for calling out the main problem with Jersey pizza: sauce that’s too sweet. Yes, you put some sugar in your gravy, but you need to balance it with vinegar. Many NJ pizzarias don’t. Combine that with the frozen dough you get in a lot of places and you might as well order Pizza Hut.

Full disclosure: I’m a thin crust guy and I’m a well-done guy. If that cheese hasn’t started to turn brown, put it down. If the slices don’t snap, it’s bound to be crap. And I like my cheese tangy enough to leave an aftertaste. Oh, and lots of oregano.

One stop on the tour did awaken some old memories: Al Santillo’s Brick Oven Pizza.

I spent a couple of post-college years in New Haven, Connecticut, which — sorry NJ — may be the pizza capitol of the world. Among the best (and certainly the cheapest) was sold out of a back door at a little house in East Haven. No license, no health inspection, just a little old lady baking pies in an old wood-fired kitchen oven.

For the record, the best pizza in New Jersey is at Atillio’s in Denville.

Another college visit and “open house”, this one in scenic Reading, PA. And, boy, did we see Reading. The driving instructions failed to mention that a critical turn was at an intersection in bustling downtown Ontelaunee and completely unmarked. So, instead we hit the final stretch of state highway at the wrong place.

We also learned that in Pennsy, there can be a “business” version of a highway that is different than the non-business. So, B666 may go to Reading, but 666 goes to Perdition, etc.

To cap it off, at 10 AM on a Sunday there was no one on the street to stop and ask (and, yes, I occasionally do that). Except for one foreign gentleman still under the influence from the previous night, we saw no one.

No matter. We made it to the early campus tour with a minute to spare and saw the usual show. A dorm, a student center, a classroom building, the library. They have wireless and a cafeteria. There is diversity and a committment to community service. They think students should be well-rounded. The student guide said her experience there was “awesome.” And so forth.

More to the point, their admission standards are in the Daughter’s range and 90% of the students get some form of financial aid. We’re talking safety school here, people, and now that I know how to get there it’s looking better every minute.

Springfield, NJ, in Union County, did not end up being chosen as the Springield to premier the Simpsons movie. In fact, they came in 7th out of 9 entrants, which in my mind makes them all the more Simpsonesque.

The winner was some burg up in Vermont.

The Springfield in south Jersey never even bothered to enter. They were too busy building a monorail.

Former Newark Mayor Sharpe James was indicted today on charges that he used his city-issued credit cards “to spend lavishly on himself, eight female companions and others during personal trips and vacations to such places as Martha’s Vineyard, Rio de Janeiro, the Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico”, U.S. Attorney Christopher J. Christie and State Attorney General Anne Milgram announced.

“eight female companions…”

He’s 71. Plus, the Honorable Mr. James is still married.

Actually, the most interesting thing is the presence of Ms. Milgram. Hitherto, the state law enforcement apparatus avoided James and other members of the state legislature like the plague and left any and all prosecutions to the Feds. After all, there’s a paycheck at risk here!

The 33-count Indictment also charges James “in a second fraud against the citizens of Newark in which he allegedly facilitated and approved the drastically cut-rate sale of city-owned land to Tamika Riley, one of his companions, who fraudulently reaped hundreds of thousands of dollars from the sales. She too is charged with this fraud in the Indictment.”